Remember that movie What About Bob? with the super-controlling dad who was trying to teach his son how to dive and the anger he felt when Bob came along and did a better job? I really feel this is the boat a lot of Christians are in when it comes to talking to their kids about sex.
If you’re not talking to your kids about sex, someone else surely will come along and do it for you. They might even do a better job, taking away forever one of the most important conversations that builds trust between parent and child. In today’s porn saturated world, it can be unnerving to talk to kids about this important subject. Many parents today feel that talking about sex will somehow steal their child’s innocence, so they put it off. If you are one of those parents, I would strongly advise you to reconsider your position. What you’re doing is essentially putting kids out in the deep water without a life jacket–and they don’t know how to swim… Can you blame them for grasping at whatever they can reach on the subject when they’re drowning?
Your children will be exposed to pornography at some point if they haven’t been already. In Japan, pornographic magazines are boldly placed for all to see in every convenience store throughout the country and nowadays manga for kids is becoming increasingly pornographic as the push for the age of consent goes down, down, down and horrifying practices such as incest go up, up, up. Society used to want to protect kids, now it wants them to participate.
Josh McDowell, a Christian apologist, recently came out saying that we should be preparing children to see pornography by age 5. For some this may seem young, but in my opinion, we should be slowly preparing children right from the get-go. There are ways to do this without going into morbid detail about the sick things people do in secret. Remember: true sexual knowledge of the human body never equals a loss of innocence. Right from the beginning in Genesis, we see graphic detail of sexual behaviors that children are bound to learn about at some point or another anyway, so parents should always be taking an active role in shaping the narrative of all sexual matters. Children will learn about sex from someone at some point: that someone should be you.
Teach a Solid Foundation of Biblical Principals
If you’ve been consistently enforcing rules like, “Don’t steal my stuff.” and “Don’t be greedy!” you will find that you are already laying a solid foundation to fight against fornication. Toddlers can easily understand the concept that there are people out there who want to steal other people’s mommies and daddies, because of greed–a form of lust in this case. In today’s world where Christian couples are swapping spouses without a hint of shame, laying out the rules of sexual exclusivity within marriage is very important. This is especially true living in Japan, where a few years ago it was discovered that a clinic in Nagano prefecture–with the full consent of numerous married couples–was using sperm from the father-in-law of the bride. If you don’t see anything wrong with this, I would advise you to review your Bible, stat!
Use the Wording Directly from the Bible to Start
Look no further than the Bible to give you a great way of explaining to kids the nature of sex: the seed of man. Explaining that girls have eggs and boys have seeds is a great starting point for the squeamish. This might seem biologically obvious and unnecessary to teach, but with the push for transgender-mania reaching the highest levels yet, we need to be reinforcing biological truths in the hearts of our children. Although I’m a big advocate of using proper words for private parts, if you’re still a bit timid, you can start with something as simple as “You were a little seed in daddy’s private parts and then you came to mommy’s private parts and found mommy’s egg.”
Be Honest about Sexual Changes Early On
In Japan it is common for families to take baths together. As such, children are able to see the difference between the bodies of adults and children from the get go. Many Conservative Christians believe that any nudity is shameful, but within reason, I do not believe it is harmful for children up to a certain age to see the differences between the naked bodies of their parents. Inviting toddler girls into the bathroom to watch you change your menstrual pad can also be a great way to teach them that they will eventually have blood coming out of their own bodies every month.
Teach Children How to Fight Back
Christian children should be ready with solid answers to the issues of our day. I remember the first time I saw this video of fellow millennial Ryan T. Anderson on Pierce Morgan, answering difficult questions not only well, but with incredible resolution. We should be raising our children like this to be able to debate same-sex marriage and transgender issues with love, grace, and power! Children are naturally curious and that curiosity should never be squashed in the name of political correctness.
Warn Children of What’s Going on Out There
I remember how upset I was that my conservative Christian parents didn’t teach me about the world. I am not alone in this as there are many others raised in Christian homes who feel cheated by the “bubble” they grew up in. This should absolutely not be! Sadly, in Japan, parents can be just as bad about teaching their kids about sex.
“Only 23% of 2734 respondents (parents or guardians of 10-15-year-olds) reported providing [sex education] at home.”
Considering a study from 2005 listed at the above link says that 63% of boys and 62% of girls in Japan have some kind of sexual experience by the time they reach 19 years old, parents in Japan should not be slow in equipping their children with knowledge of their sexuality. Now, more than ever, we need families who are ready to fight on the front lines! If Christians keep taking a back seat to sex education, we are surely going to lose the culture wars. It would serve us all well to gradually teach children what and who is out there so they don’t feel resentment later or–even worse–are unwittingly sucked into lifestyles that are advertised as “normal” and “good.”
Get Help from Reliable Sources
I have not bought this book for myself, but it looks like it would be super helpful for parents who are still a bit squeamish about teaching kids the details of sex and pornography. As always, I do not necessarily 100% agree with everything taught by these authors, but strongly feel that parents need somewhere to start. The blog related to this book also has some helpful advice for parents:
Children begin with no ability to regulate anything that comes naturally to them (hunger, bathroom behavior, sleep, and so on). We celebrate each stage of mastery over their bodies as they learn to walk, feed themselves, talk, and potty train. New challenges await them as they develop. Eventually, we have an opportunity to help them learn to master their sexual impulses.
I am just one person and am not at the point yet where I can confidently break down all the moral reasoning involved in tough topics such as masturbation. Thank God there are those who can, so for those who are struggling with that particular topic, I highly recommend this video of Dr. Michael Brown and Larry Tomczak!
I wish you all the best in teaching your kids about the birds and the bees and hope I have helped direct you toward the life-jacket your kids need to survive in the deep waters of this crazy world!